Thursday, May 26, 2011

I am a book snob.

A few days ago, an 50% off coupon from Borders arrived in my inbox, which is extremely rare considering the biggest discount they give out via coupons is 40%. So I hopped into my car to my nearest Borders to take advantage of said super awesome coupon and buy myself a GMAT prep book. Yes, my life is very exciting. Try not to be too jealous.

It was around the time when I was trying to choose between Kaplan and the Princeton Review (there is no difference between them, I swear to you) when I suddenly realized something. I keep scourging for deals or really, just for ways for me to get the biggest bang for my buck, when all along, there's a way for me to get these books, that I will only use once, for absolutely free. I can go to the library. Yeah, I was face-palming myself too.

Since I was already at Borders and I didn't want to let the coupon go to waste, I started to browse around. I'll be honest though, I hate doing that. Whenever I walk into a bookstore with no specific book in mind to buy, it's always difficult and lengthy process. Why? Because I'm a book snob.

There are people who look to read books that they can relate to. Those books are usually the contemporary and slice-of-life types. And then there are those who read books as a form of escapism. I'm the later. For me, reading is a chance to lose myself completely in another world, and for a few hours a day, shut off from reality. Which is also why I'm a slow reader. Don't think I'm a book snob? Hold on. I'm just easing you in.

Good concepts and solid plot lines aren't enough for me. I'm technical reader as well, meaning I'm a stickler for grammar, dialogue, tone, and diction. Having a good story on your hands is great and everything, but you have to be able to tell it well too. If I'm going to spend the next couple of days reading your 400-page book, please do me a favor and exclude the purple prose, Mary Sues, and abusive use of the comma. (I understand the comma is a tricky thing to conquer, but if there's more than five commas in your sentence and you're not listing things, there's a problem.)

Now I'm not so snobbish that I'm incapable of reading fluff books (why else would I still browse the YA section?) and it's not fair to condemn a book because of a misplaced hyphen. So usually I try to find books where there's a decent balance. While I enjoy a story that is well-written, what I enjoy even more is being able to dissect and analyze it. So it's easy for me to overlook technical flaws if I'm being wowed by awesome character depth and strong stories. However, finding the right balance is still really difficult for me and I usually find something to nitpick about.

I want to clear about something though. I'm not on some aggressive quest for the perfect book or anything. I'm not trying to do that, and it's not even about that. What I'm trying to do is avoid the books that will make me want to pull out my eyeballs and swirl around the slush my brain reduced to with chopsticks. Like I said before, I'm a slow reader, so nothing irks me more than a book that wastes my time. I will actually look up a book on Amazon first to try to get a feel for it before I decide if I want to read it or not. If you still don't get why I'm making such a big deal out of books, let me sum it up like this: I love books like I love food. If you make me crappy food, I will vomit on you. If you make me read a crappy book, I will vomit on you. And throw the book at you.

So now I had a 50% off coupon in my hand and no idea what book to buy. Then I remembered that I wanted to read Tina Fey's Bossypants book. I had read an excerpt that I thought was hilarious and had heard generally great things about it. The universe must've remembered this before I did because when I found her book, I saw it was currently 30% off and you can't combine discounts. Grr. Fine, I'll just wait for it to come out on paperback. (...Or go to the library.)

Then I thought, 'Oh, I'll look at the best sellers section! If these books have sold a gazillion copies, they gotta have something to show for.' I reached the section and began looking through the titles. Huh. Yeah, when a book is on the best seller's list, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's a good book. It can just mean that a lot people have crappy questionable tastes in books.

In the end, after an hour and a half and circling the perimeter of Borders four times, I left the store empty handed. And $3 dollars poorer (gas).

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